i already hear my dad disowning me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
