i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
