the condom got lost in my hair
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
