I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
