How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
