Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
