can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
