I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
