I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
