I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
