bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
