So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
