marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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