i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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