You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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