My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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