omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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