It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
