it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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