man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
