I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
