Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
