K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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