Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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