this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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