i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
