Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
