Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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