we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The beer is more important than you right now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
