I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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