that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
