dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
