we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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