I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
