who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
