Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
