Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
