she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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