It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
