Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
