Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
