these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you had me at cake vodka
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
