she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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