im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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