Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
