Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
