I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
