I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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