when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
