dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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