is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
