how can u be prego again
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
